Think of the most handsome, beautiful, sexy, intelligent, intimidating person you know. That person poops.My children don't care if I'm bald, fat, ugly or a dork. As long as I have ice cream, they love me.
Making fun of a fat, bald guy on a scooter is funny. Seeing a fat, bald guy on a scooter beat the crap out of a smart ass is funnier.
Sarah Palin should be left alone until she's actually running for office.
Every American should root for the president to be the best president ever, whether they voted for him/her or not.
Starting smoking is infinitely easier than stopping.
The people that work at Starbucks are happier than the people waiting in line for their venti, half-caff, non-fat caramel machiatto.
The only advantage to being a man is peeing standing up, but it's a pretty big advantage.
In a home with 2 adults, 4 children and 2 dogs the most frightening three words in the English language are, "What's that smell?"
There should be a provision in federal law that allows once per month for one citizen to punch another citizen in the neck, consequence free.
I am reasonably sure that if police questioned me about being in my own house after reports that my house was being broken into that I would cooperate and thank them for responding so quickly to the report.
People who become frustrated and stressed-out while playing golf are missing the point.
I still refuse to accept "commentator" as a real word and when I finally lose my mind, you will find me naked in a Barnes & Noble with a black Sharpie crossing it out of all the dictionaries.
The idea of a mandatory gratuity for parties over 8 defeats the purpose.
The readership of this post will skyrocket when I enter the words "free" and "porn" in the keyword section.
As much as Americans love Mexican food, Mexican music and Mexican beer, you'd think they'd like Mexican people more than they do.
Books don't write themselves.
Peeing in the shower is OK, except after eating asparagus.
The Jonas brothers are musicians the same way Jon Bon Jovi is an actor.
Hot dogs taste better when referred to as "wieners."
Stewed tomatoes are the best way to screw up a perfectly good dinner.
It is impossible to listen to "Down Under" by Men at Work without smiling.
From "Stepbrothers": Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell - You have to marry one, screw one and kill one. GO!
Everything an 8 year old boy can hold in his hand can be imagined into a fire arm.
As it turns out, running around naked and eating fruit snacks while watching "Yo Gabba Gabba" is cute when you're 2 and creepy when you're 38.
Amanda Bynes is exponentially cuter than Miley Cyrus.
38% of readers will probably not make it to this observation.
I'm in the 62% that did; my gosh, you were astute in the majority of your observations. good things to ponder about on this Tuesday morning. I think the Starbucks one will stay with me the longest
ReplyDeletetry to enjoy the day
betty
I made it! Not much to argue about. Peeing standing up is OK if you don't miss the urnal.
ReplyDeleteAwww crap! no free porn! Dammit Earl!
ReplyDeleteMarry Oprah, Screw... ewww... Hillary (maybe she has a hot crotchless pantsuit?) , and of course KIll the evil one!
How did you know I poop? are you Psychic?
When I play golf i usually break out in a serious air gutiar riff on my clubs...the guys don't appriciate the tuneage...their loss...
Root for the Presidents? something like Obama Obama he's our man if he can't do it...umm ummm .... we're all fucked!?
John (yes I poop) Doe
Come to think of it,I do remember back in 1983...
ReplyDeleteyou would run around naked, eating homemade brownies and watching Sesame Street. You were adorable and you had a major crush on the Snufflepagus. You were twelve and had hair.
Why is it that we should leave Missy Sarah alone and ridicule Rosie, The Grand Old Oprah and Hillary? Who's running for office in that bunch?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah I forgot. Sarah's pretty!
Okay, random replies -
ReplyDeleteAgreed, but will Sarah Palin ever not be running for office?
Obama should create a Dept. of Neck Punching and have a work-force of civil servants roaming the country-side neck-punching people who do or say stupid things (mostly women driving black SUVs) and I should be hired for that position.
Once you call it a wiener, I have a hard time eating it. It's not a homophobe thing, it's a gay cannibal thing.
I saw Colin Hay do an acoustic set in which his wife, who he clearly loves and must be a great woman, did interpretive dance throughout every song. When he sang "Down Under" she posed like a Jethro Tull album cover and mimed playing that flute while she made the noise with mouth. It not that it was bad, just unsettling.
I made it to the end ~ That must say something about me.
ReplyDeleteI could never, ever think of a hot dog as a weiner and if I did, I would never, ever be able to eat the thing.
You may have ruined them for life now.